Killing the Dead Silence: Conversations to Have on Dates or with Anyone

Silence scares me. Perhaps it’s because I have nerve-deafness in my left ear, and I always wonder when or if going to too many concerts as a teenager is going to do me in, but I’m probably really scared of silence because I’m a highly energized person with a lot of nervous energy. I prefer to ask questions and force the other person to talk, but if the other person isn’t speaking enough, then I need to chime in and ramble. I can’t say that people are always interested in what I have asked or have said, but I can tell you they always responded, and that silent moment never loomed over a date.

Recently my friend was complaining because a couple guys were interested in her, but all they would message her was “Hi.” or “Hey.” I was thinking about how they could have improved their opening. They could have said something like, “Hi. You’re really interesting because…” Or “Hey. Some weather we’ve been having, right?” Neither of those would be particularly telling, but they might help develop into a more in-depth conversation.

Then I thought about how many people there are in the world and how little time we’d have to get to know all of the people in the world if we continued to waste time on all the wrong people for us. Let’s be real. If you meet someone online, you hopefully spend a couple weeks or so getting to know that person online before you even bother meeting, let alone get that stranger’s last name. You probably go on one or two dates where you try to figure out if the person is a Stranger-Danger before you decide if you’d even like to continue dating the person, and by that point, how many weeks have passed without knowing if you are even compatible?

People have come up with a lot of taboos for first dates, but I’m going to give you the number one taboo in any situation, ANY situation: The only taboo is wasting time.

Conversations to Have on Dates or with Anyone:

*Do you snore?

*What do you find funny?

*Do you have any allergies?

*Do you have any pets? If not, do you want any pets?

*What do you think about the possibility of peace in the Middle East?

*What is/was your favourite subject in school? Best subject? Worst subject?

*Where are you from?

*What schools did you attend?

*What is the strangest thing you’ve ever done?

*How much time do you spend exercising per week?

*What do/don’t you eat?

*What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

*Do you believe in a higher power?

*Will you date someone whose religious or lack of religious beliefs differ from yours?

*What are your thoughts on abortion?

*What political ideology do you favor?

*What is your favorite type of music?

*What do you think about animal testing?

*Have you ever been abducted by aliens? (Trust me. You should get this question over with early.)

*Are you a left-handed or right-handed?

*What is your sign? Are we astrologically compatible? Does that matter to you?

*Who is/was your favourite world leader?

*What is your opinion of the media?

*Do you watch TV? If so, what are your favourite programmes?

*What is one toy you always wanted but never received?

*Do you celebrate holidays and birthdays? If so, how do you celebrate them?

*What was your most embarrassing moment?

*Do you like sports? Do you play any sports? Do you watch any sports?

*What is a typical week like for you?

*What is your work schedule? (If you have opposing schedules, you might as well learn that early.)

*Have you ever been in love? If so, what happened?

*If you were any animal, what would you be? Why?

*Are you prejudiced?

*How do you feel about equality?

*What do you think about alternative forms of energy?

*Where do you hang out?

*How would you/how do you discipline your kids?

*Do you use/have you ever tried drugs?

*Do you drink?

*Do you smoke anything?

*What are some things that you’ve always wanted to do?

*Do you like museums?

*Do you like art/literature/poetry/music/theatre/comedy/movies? Favourites?

*What person had the most profound impact on your life?

*Who is/are your best friend(s)?

*Are you close to your family? Why or why not?

*Do you travel? If so, where have you been? If not, are there places you’d like to go? If not, what are your reasons for staying close to home?

*What do you think about healthcare? Education? The economy? Immigration? The Occupy movement? The environment? Gun control? Hedonism? Monogamy? Blood diamonds? Hipsters? Labels? Yoga? Bagpipes? The Cowboys? Authority? The police? Unions? Politics within music? A woman president? Corporate America? Monopolies? The free market? Musicals? The beach? The mountains? The outdoors? Photography? Costumes? Uniforms? Snow days? Pumpkin patches? Cars, trains, planes, boats, bicycles, motorcycles, mopeds, scooters, skateboards, etc.? Graffiti? Litter? Secret societies? Dancing?

*Do you ever dance?

*Do you sing in the car and/or shower?

*What are you looking for?

*What is a deal breaker?

*What is one thing that you wish I knew about you?

Leave a Comment March 31, 2014


If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, it probably DID make a sound.   However, if I were a tree falling down after 500 years of offering shade and shelter for animals, I would HOPE that EVERYONE  would hear me go.  If I were in a relationship with a great guy after years of being single, I’d want to tell everyone!  I’d want to wear my heart on my sleeve, face, and, well, Facebook!

Making a relationship Facebook Official can be a dilemma.  While some may be willing to share their relationship status with over 900 of their “closest” friends from pre-K through last night, others may want to keep the relationship privy to the people they confide in the most.  Being a fan of the first scenario, it is hard for me to rectify the difference between being a dirty little secret and being in a special romance that doesn’t need online Likes.  I don’t necessarily need the attention, but I want to feel that my relationship is WORTHY of others knowing about it.

Billy Joel says, “It’s a matter of trust.”  You can trust that someone who is in a relationship with you will be faithful and honest, but you can also trust that your friends would tell you if they were in relationships.  If you’re hiding that special relationship, what else might you be hiding?  Why aren’t you willing to share your status with your Facebook friends?  Is it because you don’t want that cute ex of yours to suddenly realize you’re not available?  Is it because you’re ashamed of the person you’re dating?

These are all legitimate questions.  People may debate me and say they don’t want their family members to start asking questions or have to deal with people seeing that they are suddenly IN a relationship and suddenly OUT of it if it doesn’t work.  To those on the other side, I question your feelings.  Just how interested are you if you aren’t willing to deal with outside opinions.  Perhaps if it is not worth the risk of sharing it publicly, it might not be worth acting on it privately.

And that, my friends, is my Facebook Official opinion.










Leave a Comment July 24, 2012

Love CAN be a game…

Invite your date to your place and get right to business on the floor.  Before you do, make sure you have all the essential props: markers, crayons, pens, pencils, glue, scissors, and paper.  Throw in some glitter if you dare.  Hey, it can be as kinky as you want it to be.  But you’re still wondering what IT is?  It’s a game.

Make a game about your love.  It can be as original as you like, but if you’re stuck on ideas, you can get some help from the pros.  Google Make-Your-Own-Opoly  and you’ll find a number of online shops that distribute the Parker Brothers game that you can design at home.  If Apples to Apples is more your thing, click on this site to make your custom version.

Love is a game.  Play it all night long.

Leave a Comment May 1, 2011 is a site dedicated to bringing you dating options beyond the chain restaurant and Hollywood blockbuster.

Carpe Diem,

Jeannette Ryder,
Owner and Author of